Forget Work-Life Balance: Let's find your Ideal Life Ratio

People always seem to be talking about this elusive idea of work-life balance. As an entrepreneur and currently sort of stay-at-home mom, this dichotomy feels hard to wrap my brain around. Are the 21 hours a day I spend caring for my baby work? (I co-sleep with a baby who wakes up about every 3 hours so I count that as an around the clock job.) Or do I count the 3 hours a day I go to my office/studio as work? Because there are a lot of days when those hours feel like a break! And the concept of life – does that include everything besides my work? What about when I’m reading Yoga Journal? That could be work because it might inform my teaching or it could be life because I’m at home sipping on a cup of peppermint tea while I read. Also, when you love your work it often doesn’t feel like work. Maybe you don’t need to “balance out” your time spent on tasks that pay the bills if they are enjoyable. Clearly I could go on but my point is this:  

I think the concept of work-life balance is outdated.

coffee + dark chocolate = essential work tools

I get the whole idea that “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” My beef is that the word balance implies an even split and I don’t think that makes sense for most people.

Instead I’d like to start a conversation about the Ideal Life Ratio.

What’s an Ideal Life Ratio? Well I just made it up & I’m so glad you asked!

The Ideal Life Ratio is individualized, dynamic, and informative.

It takes into account all the pieces of your life that are important to you.

It changes over time as your lifestyle and priorities change.

Most of all it releases comparison and judgment and asks the question, “Is your life working for you?” If it is, fabulous! If it’s not, it provides a clear picture of where things are out of alignment.  

Play along at home...

1. Determine what parts make up how you'd ideally like to spend your time.

What are your priorities? You can keep it simple and echo the old work and life categories but I’d like to challenge you to break things down a little further. Consider categories such as work, family, friends, service, or self-care. If it’s for you, get even more detailed and break down the categories into the various parts that make up them up (i.e., work breaks down into researching, writing, meetings, big vision planning or self-care breaks down into physical activity, socializing, spiritual practices).  

2. Once you have a list of categories determine how much time you’d ideally spend on each item. 

For example, my current list is Work (20%), Family (70%), Self-Care (10%). I tend to think in terms of a week's time but please feel free to use whatever makes sense for you - a day, a month, a quarter. 

3. Now determine how much time you are currently devoting to each item. 

Do the two ratios match up? Fantastic! If not, make a list of small, doable action steps you can take to bring things into alignment. 

hard at work at last month's yoga & creativity retreat

Is your self-care time lacking? Schedule a coffee date with your best friend, book a massage, research yoga classes near your office, or block out an afternoon for yourself. Family time lacking? Commit to turning off your cellphone in the evening, stop checking email at home, use your vacation days, or schedule a family dinner. 

Your Ideal Life Ratio will change during different phases of your life. What is important is that it fits with what you want in your life at this particular time.

relaxing after a long day of mommying

I’m curious – what's your Ideal Life Ratio? What factors play into it at this point in your life? Are things aligned or do you need to make some changes?     

Guest Post by Jennifer Winarski: Intuitive Painting

Some of you might be thinking that an evening walk with Nik Wallenda would be a better choice than taking a painting class! 

I beg you not to take one. 

one of my intuitive painting pieces ~Mindy 

With that said, I encourage you try an intuitive painting class instead.  

What is intuitive painting? Well, to me it is acting on your whims. It is playing with paint like a small child. 

Have you ever watched children paint? 

They just spread colors willy nilly and they often make a mess. 

They experiment and they don’t give it much thought. 

I asked my 6 year old son what he thinks about when he paints a picture. He turned his head to the side, scrunched up his face and he replied “nothing”.  He simply plays with paint. When was the last time you had permission to just be who you are with zero judgment and no expectations? An intuitive painting class can provide a nourishing environment where one can feel comfortable to stop thinking and just have some willy nilly fun!

Jennifer Winarski

Creative, artist, homemaker and blogger.

Mindfulcanvas.blogspot.com

P.S.  There are just 4 spots left for my Women's Yoga & Creativity Mini-Retreat on July 21st featuring an awesome Intuitive Painting workshop with Jenn! You can reserve your space by contacting me at mscime710@roadrunner.com or 716-939-0892.  

Permission Granted

Recently, I was watching a video by the lovely Liz Lamoreux and she happened to mention her daughter's babysitter was arriving soon. As I heard her speak those words a light bulb went off for me. I could have my very own babysitter for Lainy. Truly this thought had never occurred to me (it's funny how our minds shut out possibility).

Lainy's babysitter starts next week. I feel nervous and excited, guilty and relieved all at the same time.

That one sentence in the video was the permission slip I needed to ask for the help I had been craving. She does it, so I can too. Too often we are sitting around waiting for permission.

Today I'd like to give you your very own permission slip. Permission to ask for whatever you need.

Permission to rest.

Permission to go for it.

Permission to call in sick.

Permission to ask for help.

Permission to make the call.

Permission to say no.

Permission to say yes.

Permission to quit.

Permission to start.

Permission to love yourself exactly as you are today.

Permission to stop trying so hard.

Permission to create.

Permission to tell your story.

Permission to let go.

Tell me what you're needing and I will send you a permission slip via email or snail mail. Your choice. Leave a comment with your address or send me an email at mscime710@roadrunner.com and I'll send you your permission slip. Not because you need my permission (or anyone else's) but because I want to support you in whatever you are needing right now.

Work & Self-Care

image credit

This weekend I gifted myself with three full days off from the office. It is vital for all of us to schedule regular time off from work and I believe this applies doubly to entrepreneurs and those of us who work in a helping profession. As a business owner it is easy (and tempting) to work nonstop! I did this myself when I first made the switch to full-time entrepreneur, but I very quickly learned that it was not in the best interest of myself or my clients. Now I manage this tendency to overwork by scheduling regular work hours and sticking to them (mostly). I also limit the number of clients I see in a day (6 is my maximum), as well as the number of consecutive therapy sessions I schedule (3 is my maximum). This leaves me feeling fresh and present with each client I come in contact with throughout my work days, weeks, and months and allows me to do my best work.

In addition to reflecting on my own personal limits at work, I also am mindful to take time for self-care every day. This might be something as simple as starting my day with a few minutes of inspirational reading (usually Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach) or as complex as a two hour lunch break to eat, get coffee, and write in my journal. It varies day to day and

sometimes I'll be in the midst of my work day and just know that I need a break and I will schedule in some spontaneous self-care. This has been happening to me more now that I am pregnant (29 weeks today!). Part of self-care is listening to my body and honoring its needs as they arise.

image credit

It has taken me a long time to get to the place I am at now with my self-care - four years ago I would not have written that last sentence, let alone actually stopped working in the middle of the day to honor the needs of my body. I can remember a time when I would not stop working to go to the bathroom when I had to pee! Sounds silly now, but what an example of not taking care of myself at such a basic level. I spent countless days working through lunch, ignoring signs of hunger or thirst, working at home until all hours of the night, and missing time with my family while pursuing achievement at work. Where I worked at this point in my life everyone did this; it was normal and you were questioned if you didn't sacrifice your own needs in order to benefit the work we were doing (which was very meaningful, making it easy to justify the culture of overwork).

Eventually I learned to adjust my work habits, even while in this same system. You don't have to be your own boss in order to implement self-care at work. I started taking a lunch break away from my desk every day. I put limits on the hours I worked at home. But the biggest change I made was in my mind. I stop believing that my needs were not important and that if I took care of myself and set boundaries it meant I wasn't as good as my colleagues. Something amazing happened when I started taking care of myself - I found that not only was I was happier (and I'm sure more pleasant to be around) but I accomplished just as much, if not more, in a shorter amount of time! By taking good care of myself, setting limits, and taking breaks I became more efficient at my job. The following year I actually reduced my work hours by half, from full-time to part-time, and continued to maintain the same responsibilities at work! By working in a very intense environment I learned how to care for myself during the most extreme conditions. I know this helped me tremendously as I made the move into full-time entrepreneurship! (There truly is something to be gained from even the toughest experiences.)

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Now my regular self-care plan includes:

• At least 15 minutes of self-care daily (reading, writing, meditating)
• Fridays off complete with an Artist Date
• Sticking to my designated work hours
• Monthly massages & pedicures
• Referring non-ideal clients
• Delegating certain tasks
• Weekly yoga class at another studio
• Daily, non-negotiable lunch break
• Retreating annually
• Going to bed by 11pm

In addition I schedule vacations quarterly and mini-vacations (like this weekend) on an as-needed basis. I plan to spend this weekend rejuvenating by swimming, practicing yoga, going on a painting date with my mom, reading (10 new books arrived this week!), writing, art journaling, having a date night with my hubby, and attending a family party. I'm topping it all off with a massage at 9:30am on Monday morning. Then I will enter my work week feeling refreshed!

What are your plans for the weekend? Schedule in some time for self-care. Remember even 15 minutes can make a huge difference. Why not spend some time pondering how you care for yourself at work and creating a simple self-care plan? Caring for ourselves is good for us and it is also good for our work!

Small Changes Make a BIG Difference

Hello Lovely Readers!

I hope you are doing well! I have had a challenging past two weeks filled with overscheduling, stress, and other not-fun-stuff. Ever have that feeling like no matter how hard and long you work, you just can't get caught up? That is where I was at, but things have shifted now. Not because my to-do list magically disappeared (I wish!), but because I made some small changes.

First, I returned to writing my morning pages more faithfully. Second, I made up my mind that I can return emails and voice mails within 24 hours, as opposed to 24 minutes.

Lastly, I started a new ritual of taking a 30 minute mini-retreat each morning, an idea Zahra Efan listed in her most recent newsletter. This fits easily into my schedule because I always make my first appointment of the day at 9:30am. Usually I would spend the first half hour of my day checking email, returning voice mail, etc. Now I just wait until later in the day. Sounds simple, but it has made a BIG difference!

Ideas for a 30 minute mini-retreat:

• Meditate
• Sip coffee or tea
• Read a book
• Browse a magazine
• Practice yoga
• Listen to music
• Write in your journal
• Play in your visual journal
• Take a walk
• Sit outside and soak up some sun
• Go to the library (there is a library right next to my office!)
• Head to a coffee shop or bookstore

The ideas are pretty endless! It has been so divine to start my day with something that brings me joy! It feels a little rebellious too! I tend to operate from the "work first, play later" model so this morning mini-retreat is a real break from the mold for me! My days are unfolding in a much more relaxed flow since I started this morning mini-retreat. That is the paradox of self-care: when you take time to care for yourself you are more efficient and effective.

The image above is from Anna Corba. Not only does she craft gorgeous creations - she holds yoga and collage workshops in Sonoma and France - two of my favorite destinations!!!! I must attend one of them at some point - I am adding to my life's to-do list!

Have a great Thursday! And consider taking a mini-retreat today!

Discipline (even on the crappy days)

Hello Dear Readers!

It has been too long since my last blog post... I have been working on some special projects these past few weeks, but they are wrapping up now and I am looking forward to getting back to my "regular" schedule.

I began drafting this blog post in my mind last Saturday during Spinning class...

It all started when I woke up last Saturday feeling not so hot and discovered a giant cold sore on my lip. I feel like everyone has their own unique physical manifestation of stress and this is mine for sure. Lovely, eh? Needless to say, I wanted to crawl right back into my comfy bed and whine to my husband about my stressful life. But I didn't. I got ready and went to the studio to teach.

After class I was still feeling pretty crappy and I spotted some leftover cupcakes just calling to me to chug them down along with my cup of decaf. But I didn't. I had organic yogurt and a banana instead.

Then I really wanted to crawl back into bed and feel sorry for myself. But I didn't. I hauled myself over to the YMCA for a 75 minute Spinning class.

As the instructor was yelling at us, "Push it, push it, push it. I said PUSH IT," I started thinking about discipline or what we yogis call tapas.

Discipline for me is about returning to my practices - whether they be eating healthy foods, meditating, practicing yoga on the mat or off, or exercising - not just when I feel like it, but even when I don't.

However, I also think it is hugely important to be responsive to our needs and gentle with ourselves. To balance effort and surrender. For example, I'm writing this post from my bed on a Friday afternoon when I had intended to go for a run, pick up my new contacts, stop at the bank, etc.

So how does one decide whether to stay in bed or cajole yourself up and out? To indulge in the cupcake or eat the banana? To run or to nap? There is no easy answer.

This is something I continue to struggle with myself, but I have found that taking the time to really tap into myself before deciding helps me to know what I really need in that given moment. For me this a two-fold process. First, I aim to regularly engage in activities that help me reconnect within, such as practicing yoga, journaling, and taking Artist Dates. Second, when I find myself having a crappy day I try to carve out a few quiet moments to decipher what I really need.

Yesterday as I driving 100+ miles at 6am in the midst of lake-effect snow and white-out conditions I started to whine to myself about the situation I found myself in. "This sucks. The weather has been great all week and now it is awful on the day I have to drive for work. I'm scared. I can't see anything. I don't want to do this. I'm tired." You get the point...

I just happened to be listening to a Tranquility du Jour podcast on "Being Buddha-ful" and Kimberly was talking about how the crappy days are our teachers, even if we are not in the mood for the lesson. So I decided to transform the story I was telling myself (a SARK-ism). To return to the practice of mindfulness and simply observe what was happening without judgment. I reminded myself that I was in a tough situation, but that suffering was optional. I loosened my grip on the steering wheel a bit, stop trying to rush (a futile effort), and conceded I would arrive when I arrived. I began to feel more relaxed. I was thankful to have the opportunity to listen to a podcast. I sipped my hot coffee. I noticed the sun rising. And it made the difference in terms of how the rest of my day went. Just like last week when I dragged myself to Spinning. I felt better afterwards. And just like today when I am feeling better after an hour spent doing nothing.

Again I think of discipline as returning to the practices I am committed to for growth. And I am practicing tuning into what I need to be my best self and doing my best to respond to that, whether it be cupcakes or bananas.

Spontaneous Mini-Artist Date

Hello! I hope you are having a fabulous weekend! I wanted to share a spontaneous mini-artist date I squeezed in late last week...

I arrived home after teaching and discovered I had 30 unplanned minutes to myself before dashing off to pick up my favorite girl from the sixth grade! Of course, the to-do list was there waiting and the dirty bathrooms were calling out for some cleaning, but I decided to do something to rejuvenate myself instead!

I had been dying to get outside and take some pictures of the gorgeous fall foliage. It seemed especially urgent since it already feels like winter here in Western New York! Which is kind of gross by the way and means I have to work extra hard not to be grouchy everyday that it is below 50 degrees, which is basically everyday for about the last two weeks. But I digress...

I took about 15 minutes to walk around the neighborhood and capture the autumn scenery. Here are a few of my pictures:



Just about the time my legs were beginning to go numb, I came back home for some peppermint tea and pumpkin bread - yum! I also discovered the newest issue of Real Simple in the mailbox - yay - and spent my last few minutes alone leafing through it and soaking up the splendid images!

I felt wonderfully refreshed after my spontaneous mini-artist date! I highly recommend squeezing in some "me time" wherever and whenever you can! Even five minutes can make a difference in your day.

Some ideas on how to refresh your soul in 5 minutes or less:

• Close your eyes and take 10 deep breaths
• Check your favorite blog
• Listen to an uplifting song
• Do a yoga pose in your chair
• Take out your journal
• Doodle on a sticky-note
• Take a short walk outdoors
• Enjoy a hot cup of tea or coffee

Wishing you many inspiring moments this week,

Mindy

Self-Care Cards

Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation. ~Audre Lorde

Our topic for the Women's Wellness Workshop on Sunday was "Self-Care in Times of Stress." After a relaxing yoga practice with lots of balasana throughout, the participants rested in savasana as I guided them through a meditation. We spent the rest of our time together journaling about self-care and then making Self-Care Cards. Cheryl Richardson has created a deck of Self-Care Cards that we used as inspiration while we each dreamed up our own version.

This is a picture of a card I made. It focuses on ways I can take care of myself physically. For me that means eating right, getting enough sleep, and moving my body as much as possible!

There are many other areas of self-care, such as social connections, emotional outlets, taking a break from the situation, and more! I think homemade Self-Care Cards are a great visual reminder for not only stressful times, but everyday! They are fun to make, sort of like a mini collage, so why not give it a try?

How to Retreat at Home

Can't get away for a retreat? Try these tips to enjoy a blissful respite at (or close to) home!

Step 1: Find a peaceful place where you can enjoy some time alone. Go ahead and stay right in bed (one of my favorite options) or maybe you have a lovely nook in your house/apartment (I so wish I had a window seat). Other options include the bathtub (I'm not kidding), your fav spot in the local park, or maybe even a quiet place in the library or local bookstore.

Step 2: Once you've picked your spot, gather your materials!

• Grab your bevvie of choice, a big glass of water or maybe a nice herbal tea (I'm addicted to Stash Peppermint). As much as I love wine, we are aiming for some natural bliss and alcohol is not the best choice for right now.


• Next, locate your journal (these are my favorites, they have lined and unlined pages) and something you can use to write/draw.


• Now consider adding some aromatherapy (by which I mean anything that smells good to you). Maybe you have a fabulous candle to burn (my current favorite is Pacifica Sandalwood) to add to your retreat ambiance. Essential Oils also offer many options. You can easily create a room spray (directions here) or use a candle diffuser for a more continuous effect. You can play around with blending the oils, depending on your mood. Some of my favorites are Lavender & Eucalyptus for a nice balance of relaxation/exhilaration or Sweet Orange & Eucalyptus for an energizing/refreshing scent.


• Next on the list is music (or not)! Decide if you'd like to simply enjoy some silence or if you'd like some calming music.


• Finally, scoop up anything else you'd like to savor on your retreat. Maybe a magazine filled with inspiring images or a good book. Possibly your canvas and paint or paper and pencils. Another option is to gather materials to make a collage, such as photos and other images, magazines, scissors, and glue.

Step 3: Breathe! Settle into your retreat spot, close your eyes, and take 10 deep breaths. Concentrate on breathing in through your nose and bringing the breath deep into your belly. Exhale through the nose, releasing all of the air and feeling your belly gently come back toward your spine. As you breathe, let your mind clear (easier said than done, of course). After 10 breaths, open your eyes and notice how you feel.

Step 4: Set an intention. Why have you chosen to carve out this time for yourself? What are you hoping to gain? What are you hoping to leave behind? There is no right or wrong intention, just go with whatever feels right for you in the moment.

Step 5: Let the relaxation begin! Delve into your magazine, journal about your hopes and dreams, take brush to canvas or pencil to paper, start cutting out images for your collage, soak up your book. Do whatever feels refreshing for you! And most of all, enjoy yourself! Savor your retreat!

Step 6: When you are ready, bring your retreat to an end. Pack up your belongings, blow out your candle...consider ending your retreat with some sort of ritual. Options include 5 minutes of meditation, deep breathing, or Savasana, writing in your journal about your retreat experience, or spending a few quiet moments reflecting on all the things you are grateful for in your life at this moment.

Repeat Steps 1 - 6 as often as necessary! Consider carving out 15 minutes or even an hour to "retreat" every week.

PS If you are a local lady and are interested in joining with other lovely ladies for a mini-retreat, check out the Women's Wellness Circle I'll be offering at Barton Hill Hotel & Spa in Lewiston starting April 19th.