Do Yourself a Favor - Let It Go!

I once read a story about a Zen master and his student. I can't remember exactly, but it went something like this: They were walking and came across a very grumpy and rude woman who demanded the Zen master carry her across a puddle of mud so that she didn't get mud on her shoes. The Zen master happily obliged and then he and his student continued on their way in silence. The student looked extremely annoyed and when the Zen master inquired his student furiously asked, "Why would you carry that awful woman across the mud? She was mean and ungrateful!" The Zen master replied, "I put her down miles ago, why haven't you?"

I thought of this story this morning. I was rushing to get ready to leave the house on time for my physical therapy appointment when I received a text message from my daughter. She forgot a basket that she needed for a gift that her and some other students were preparing for their long-term substitute teacher. Today was his last day in their class. The text said, "I need that basket!!!!!" I replied that I would bring it later in the day after my appointment and another meeting I had scheduled. She asked, "Can you bring it soon?" At which point I felt myself getting extremely angry! "No I can't bring it soon," I thought. "I have an appointment and a meeting to get to. It's not my fault she forgot it. She should be more responsible." And on and on, but still I replied to her,"Fine I'll just be late for my appointment." There's that lovely mommy martyr coming out!

After a few moments of this train of thought and the associated aggravation, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that it is rare for her to need me to bring something to school and that all-in-all she is a very responsible person and that really this was about her and her friends doing something kind for their teacher. I reminded myself that I certainly didn't have to bring the basket right then or ever. I could say no, but I was choosing not to. So if I was choosing to run out the door with wet hair and no makeup on so that I could deliver the basket as soon as humanly possible, then it was time for me to let go of my frustration and martyrdom and all that other good stuff I was holding onto!

By breathing deeply and reminding myself that I was choosing to risk being late to my appointment because I wanted to help my daughter out, I was able to do just that! I drove calmly, I entered the school serenely, and I continued on to my appointment in peace. Believe it or not, I actually got there early and sat in the parking lot applying my makeup! I know that my morning would have gone a lot different if I had held onto my initial anger. Worst case scenario I could've been hurt or hurt someone else by driving around in a mad rage. Best case scenario I'd just be irritated on the inside and my stress response would activate, elevating my blood pressure, interfering with my digestion, and making me more susceptible to illness, amongst a host of other negative physical and emotional side effects. To me, it is SO not worth it! If you choose to carry a grumpy, ungrateful lady across some mud, do yourself a favor and truly put her down the moment you reach the other side.

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Discipline (even on the crappy days)

Hello Dear Readers!

It has been too long since my last blog post... I have been working on some special projects these past few weeks, but they are wrapping up now and I am looking forward to getting back to my "regular" schedule.

I began drafting this blog post in my mind last Saturday during Spinning class...

It all started when I woke up last Saturday feeling not so hot and discovered a giant cold sore on my lip. I feel like everyone has their own unique physical manifestation of stress and this is mine for sure. Lovely, eh? Needless to say, I wanted to crawl right back into my comfy bed and whine to my husband about my stressful life. But I didn't. I got ready and went to the studio to teach.

After class I was still feeling pretty crappy and I spotted some leftover cupcakes just calling to me to chug them down along with my cup of decaf. But I didn't. I had organic yogurt and a banana instead.

Then I really wanted to crawl back into bed and feel sorry for myself. But I didn't. I hauled myself over to the YMCA for a 75 minute Spinning class.

As the instructor was yelling at us, "Push it, push it, push it. I said PUSH IT," I started thinking about discipline or what we yogis call tapas.

Discipline for me is about returning to my practices - whether they be eating healthy foods, meditating, practicing yoga on the mat or off, or exercising - not just when I feel like it, but even when I don't.

However, I also think it is hugely important to be responsive to our needs and gentle with ourselves. To balance effort and surrender. For example, I'm writing this post from my bed on a Friday afternoon when I had intended to go for a run, pick up my new contacts, stop at the bank, etc.

So how does one decide whether to stay in bed or cajole yourself up and out? To indulge in the cupcake or eat the banana? To run or to nap? There is no easy answer.

This is something I continue to struggle with myself, but I have found that taking the time to really tap into myself before deciding helps me to know what I really need in that given moment. For me this a two-fold process. First, I aim to regularly engage in activities that help me reconnect within, such as practicing yoga, journaling, and taking Artist Dates. Second, when I find myself having a crappy day I try to carve out a few quiet moments to decipher what I really need.

Yesterday as I driving 100+ miles at 6am in the midst of lake-effect snow and white-out conditions I started to whine to myself about the situation I found myself in. "This sucks. The weather has been great all week and now it is awful on the day I have to drive for work. I'm scared. I can't see anything. I don't want to do this. I'm tired." You get the point...

I just happened to be listening to a Tranquility du Jour podcast on "Being Buddha-ful" and Kimberly was talking about how the crappy days are our teachers, even if we are not in the mood for the lesson. So I decided to transform the story I was telling myself (a SARK-ism). To return to the practice of mindfulness and simply observe what was happening without judgment. I reminded myself that I was in a tough situation, but that suffering was optional. I loosened my grip on the steering wheel a bit, stop trying to rush (a futile effort), and conceded I would arrive when I arrived. I began to feel more relaxed. I was thankful to have the opportunity to listen to a podcast. I sipped my hot coffee. I noticed the sun rising. And it made the difference in terms of how the rest of my day went. Just like last week when I dragged myself to Spinning. I felt better afterwards. And just like today when I am feeling better after an hour spent doing nothing.

Again I think of discipline as returning to the practices I am committed to for growth. And I am practicing tuning into what I need to be my best self and doing my best to respond to that, whether it be cupcakes or bananas.